Friday, 24 December 2010


Now that one has two days from toil. It's self-indulgence, gluttony & bah Humbug without the sheep overtones.

Merry Xmas Eve. I'm off to peel a mountain of carrots/plan how many Rose's I could consume without ruining my tea.

Monday, 20 December 2010

Under the sea ...

Wrap, wrap, wrap.

Gift wrapping at worky-bops & wrapping gifts at home. Space ship sherbets are proving difficult to bundle into festive paper and proving a pain to resist.

I've always adored the film Splash & if this is the closest I get to being a real life Ariel/Madison then GEE I hope this is the teeny present that has found itself under my tree.

I'm a glitter-bug, with a wish to befriend a Jamaican Crab. Under prepared &not bothered in the slightest. Working in retail ... the therapy part is almost obsolete.

That's a wrap (!)

Thursday, 16 December 2010

Can you dig it man?

The festive season. The low lights that are commonly mistaken for highlights; works party, NYE & wishing people a Merry Christmas when you loathe the very sight of them.

Bitter? Moi? Naturally.

My personal highlights of the season; going to afternoon tea at the Hilton with my charming bum-chums to swap presents, watching the look of horror when my very serious, manly 20 year old brothers name is called out to receive a present from 'Santa' on Christmas day and the ideaof NYE.

I've conducted a (biased) survey of what the fascination is about New Years eve. Most of those probed noted that it's an excuse to get horrendously blottoed &not have to work the next day. I would not exactly put this is the 'pro' section.

By jobe I think she has it! A themed NYE. 7 decades to choose from. Dress to impress & bring an appropriate blast from the past party piece.

Velvet jumpsuit. Check.
Turban. Check.
Platforms. Check.
Blue eyeshadow. Check.
Fondue set. Check.

Grace Slick. What a babe.

The thing is, I already own (and wear) this 70s paraphernalia, as well as items from all other decades. Snowballs at the ready, steady, bleugh.

It's gonna be like, so bogue. PSYCHE!

Farrah, you bunny.

Who wouldn't want Willy at your themed do'?

What are everyone elses NYE plans? &is it okay that I sort of hate that we have t decide so early?

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Shoe Horn Dream.

Insomnia. No matter how many sheep I force over that fence, you will not budge. That's okay, I have relaxing music ... that seems to be speaking in tongues. Plan B. Beloved film . Never fails.


SATC1. Bliss. From start to end it's insomnia dressed up in sheep's clothing (!); a woollen blanket of adoration, jealousy and an urge to 'wahhh' quite regularly.

In hindsight I should've chosen Monty Python's 'The Life of Brian', I've not the foggiest why, but the film is always a great aid in putting me on the train the Noddyland.

As I lie in bed (thinking I'm Carrie, naturally) I've one thought on my mind. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes.

Recently out of plaster for an ankle injury caused by a tubby-custard man teetering on the brink of morbid obesity (I'm being polite) I can only wear flats. How deflating. Especially with the festive season upon us, or should that be fetish-heel season?

I've a dramatic amount of dresses, copious amounts of clothing that all need a heel. Of course there's the option of a Manolo Blahnik flat, perhaps even a manoeuvrable Nicholas Kirkwood (yes there are a few) but surely my first purchase of such enmities should be a statement heel? Brushing revenue woes aside, what's a weak ankled girl to do?Run the risk of eternal damage, or be the pip-squeak of the pack.

Still, in a recent interview, Mr B noted that flats (yes flats) can be sexy;

"Flat shoes can be more elegant. You just have to work at it. You have to learn how to walk elegantly in them. Think of Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face, she walksin flat shoes like a reindeer with one front directly in front of another. Bridget Bardot - she is sex on flats! She's beautiful! I hope it's [2010] the year of the flat shoe. Just remember, you have to make them feminine. Practise walking in them" (Glamour Magazine)

(Reasonable) answers on the back of a postcard.

From left; the Paternona range (Manolo Blahnik), Nichola Kirkwood flats (image from fashioneditoratlarge.blogspot)

Post Script.

On a lighter-(footed)note, finally decided on Mother's present; a calendar with lovely images adorning it. Available on, you simply upload images & the 12 month friend is with you within a week. That's another hour of digging out old snaps to amuse me then. I'm so glad I took scanning to new extremes 2 years ago by scanning in … every snap-shot I owned.

Monday, 6 December 2010

Bawdy Burlesque in Manchester.

With a double-mission to nurture the emergence of the professional Burlesque industry and to 'raise the barre' for the growing scenes. The Ministry of Burlesque came to the Lowry (Manchester) last night to titilate, arouse curiosity and provide a piece of blue Victoriana satire on a benumbing Sunday evening.

Taking my rather naive Mother, we dined alongside corset-clad ladies, unable to overt our eyes from the assembley of jiggling mammary glands. Arriving at the intimate venue, there were 15 round tables, seating 8 audience members each. A mixed-bag, the gay community out in force, strategically placed couples of varying ages and groups, much like mother &I who had no idea what they were in for.

Aptly named Victorian Values, the lewd cabaret was an exploration of 19th Century, suprise suprise Victorian values. A unique series of witty, provocative and traditional (&non-trditional) burlesque was complimented with a compere who epitomised energy, surrounded by an air of Russell Brandand blessed with a sharp tongue to put Joan Rivers to shame.

Contemporary puns were countered with rich past satire. With one question underlining the entire show; 'Have we lost our Victorian values? Or, have we simply misplaced them in time?'.

I'm on the fence as to whether it did address the question noted, or suggest any answers, but the show was a hoot. An all singing, all dancing hoot. My Mother's complexion has only just shed it's beetroot resem
blance &it was the perfect (bawdy) remedy to a long day of retail slog.

Writing of Burlesque, which performer enchants you and why?

It's a toughie I will admit. I've chosen Immodesty Blaize. The Goddess is the creme de la creme of tease. A string of high profile event appearances, a novelist and strong female icon. Classic.

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Play time for Boys.

On December 8, Christies (London) are holding an auction of 80 snaps from the saucy rag Playboy. Featuring no less than 80 snaps from the lifetime of the notorious publication whose career spans 57 years.

Dubbed the 'Year of the Rabbit' (it's a bloody good logo isn't it) the visuals are, suprisingly stunning. Flaunting top names such as Elle Macpherson (1994), Cindy Crawford (1988) and Marylin Monroe (1953) who starred on the front page of the first ever edition, the auction shadows the 2003 sale for the 50th Anniversary of the risque read.

Director of Corporate Collections at Chrisite's, Cathy Elkies predicted that viewers would be suprised by the sophistication of the collection;

'The unexpected thing is that Playboy really did marry fine, high-quality art with the traditional photographs of women. What will pique people's interest is that when you open the catalogue, you realise that this is pretty serious.' (Daily Mail)

If I had the revenue (cough, cough) to purchase just one, it'd be this; the 1996 front cover starring Stacey Sanchez. Imagine that in your living room. Gee whiz.

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Hulanicki's affiar with fast-paced George.

Is Babs a sellout?

After slating Biba's relaunch for House of Fraser (bitter taste alert) Hulanicki has collaborated with Asda to create a 12 piece range.

"I always find everyone who buys it [the Biba trademark] thinks of it as couture, but I think it is more like Woolworths - which is what it was always meant to be," says Hulanicki. "[The House of Fraser collection] is too expensive. The prices [at Asda] are just amazing. These will really be Biba prices. F*** you [House of Fraser]." (

I cannot tell a lie. I'm lusting after a few Biba pieces, but with the accessibility of the George collection, surely it's no contradiction to do both.

I'm coveting these (below) images currently & as of 11am tomorrow I should, weather permitting (tennis racket snow boot contraptions also at the ready) I should be able to report on the feel & realistic look of the collection. With most items under £25. Why the diddles not.

Animal Print Bow Dress

Drape Dress

Wide Leg Trouser

Pinch, punch, first of the month.

Retail therapy, it's a jungle. An assault course of target-hungry sales assistants, teetering accessory stands and those annoying hangers that refuse to grip certain clothing.

Still … it has some therapeutic elements, yes?

I'm in that seasonal predicament (I'm not talking about the dreaded snow); brave the high street in search of gifts or take the easy route and click onto the virtual one. But which is more dangerous for my little Visa?

Currently working in a luxury store, the ambience is sophisticated, with an air of elegance about it. However, the price point I'm looking for is sadly found in starkly-lit, fabric swamps that some people cleverly dub the epitome of fast (trash) fash. But when I hear of collaborations forming locally and across the pond (eg Lagerfeld and Target) combined with the annex of delightful brands popping up nearby (quite literally in Timex's case) my heart swells with desire and my appetite for purchasing on and off line reaches a deliriously manic point.

Using my plastic-fantastic, I'm in a purchasee paroxysm, ecommercee euphoria &I earn less than a doormouse from Disney'ss Robin Hood.

Splat. Pinch, punch, first of the month.

With too many events I'veclicked 'attending' on to comprehend. I think I'll let it slip my mind that I have internet banking. Tis the season to bury ones head in the sand.

Wednesday, 24 November 2010


Toiling at Hobbs today I attempted to convert an avid suede desert-boot fan to convert to the patent leather dark side of d-boots.


The silver lining was her husband. At around 70, he perked up on viewing the patent leather &uttered his first&only sentence of his 35 minute visit; 'this material was banned in convents, guess why?' I shrug 'you could see the young ladies bloomers in the reflection, broke my heart when the nuns realised' followed by an animated laugh (think Frank Bruno).

Who'd have thought a simple (but bloody gorgeous) pair of boots would stir such emotion in a pensioner ...

PS. 25% off all full priced stock until Thursday.

Monday, 22 November 2010


When I learnt of Acne's 'Art T-shirt project' I thought I'd revisit and refresh my awareness of the (oddly-named) cool as a cucumber brand.

Flicking through images from the papers & online biographies, it hit me. I'd only flipping sat next to Jonny Johansson a few months ago on the train to London. I knew I'd recognised the delectable Creative Director.

"The project sees an artist (including the name to watch; Stefan Bruggemann) create a T-shirt for the foundation - set up in collaboration with former model and fashion editor Laura Burlington - which will then be sold to fund up to five emerging artists' first monograph." (Vogue)

Broken into two parts, the launch was double the usual pazazz. Fortunate enough to have attened an Acne affair I know too well how outlandishly opulent the atmosphere can be. A themed second half had a SUPER title; “Fantasia Fiesta Flamenco”, a celebration of the collaboration in association with Candy Magazine and the transvestite trangender and cross dressing collection.

How I wish I'd have gone, especially with Jodie Harsh (such a darling), Jonathan Saunders and Jonny Woo. Too cool to comprehend.

Trailing Acne's recent shirt range made with the idea of positively re-defining gender. Luis Venegas Editor in Chief of Candy Magazine and Acne creatively collaborated to produce a collection of gender-genius.

He said; ‘Talking about the specific pieces we’ve created together, I knew from the very beginning I wanted to play with the idea of adding feminine details to a classic denim shirt. I didn’t want the shirts to become “unisex”, in fact I wanted exactly the opposite. I wanted pieces that create a bit of gender confusion... Instead of the unisex statement “For men and women”, I tried to make people feel like “Is this for men or for women?” The idea was creating something like tranny shirts for everybody.’

The fashion inspiration was “the idea of a classic western shirt, but playing with detail and proportion, the end result is a fun take on masculine versus feminine”.

Note to self; when you recognise someone, just ... do something. Anything. Just do it. Especially when those concerned adorably fathom a new word 'Swinglish'; a Sweedish man who speaks broken English. (!)

Available at Acne Studios & Dover Street market for £150

Post Script. The new Cornflake advert, Kellogs have outdone themselves again, continual collection of astonishing, heart warming adverts. Love at first crunch.

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Frizz. The ONLY Time it's Acceptable.

Frizz Records that is.

Last night at Night&Day (Manchester).

Acoustic, arousing, &a damn shame not many people were in attendance.

From politically motivated tunes to delightful lyrics such as 'can't get no pussy' repeated around 25 times in one tune, dedicated to L.A pimps.

The atmosphere was simply effortlessly cool, there's no two ways about it. Despite each act being quite different aesthetically, there was a synergy in the temperament.

I URGE people to make it to the last few dates.

Monday, 15 November 2010

Tan, Claws, Extensions. Liverpudlian Art?

The only place where girls brazenly walk the high street in curlers & consider themselves the 'cheapest dates in the UK' (

If 'people-watching' is to be my favourite past time, Liverpool has to be my guilty-city secret to indulge. No disappointment met. Especially as yesterday was Rememberance Day. Alive with memorial parades; regimented marching was mirrored by disorderly tottering. The smartest of red uniformed matched by the red of a multitude of wind-whipped flesh on show. Boots polished to perfection, the antithesis to the scruffy tide marks of tan and foundation.

Stereotyping jibe over (I note only as I saw)

I took the day to visit my little (over six foot) brother. &allow him to accompany me to the Walker Art Gallery.

On arrival I was suprised to find the recent Converse advertising campaign featuring British music sensations; Paloma Faith, Graham Coxon and Joe Goddard amongst many. I particularly enjoyed the vibe of the collaboration and subsequent visuals but feel that they were more suited to London Tubes than an abandoned car-park that let me park all day for £4.

Still on crutches, it took me an ice-age to get to the gallery, still, heckled by homeless hotties could not bring my jubilant mood (at being outside) down.

I had a sumptuous few hours; a blast from my educational past took me to Ancient Greece (Classical Civilization was my preferred lesson); Mycenaean art and remnants of the Parthenon (I think). To my mothers favourite subject explored in depth; tea. We left her there with her coo-ing echoing. &then I saw the spectacular 'Dare to Wear' exhibition by Diana Dias-Leão . Exquisite sculpture executed with a fashion flair. Inspired by the belief that lack of body confidence relates to eating disorders and body issues the artist wanted to convey the message that: “Even though the image is glittering, it is the person inside who is priceless”.

The presence the pieces had was extraordinary, despite having a small area allocated. As my boyfriend had conveniently 'borrowed'(/lost) my camera charger I, sadly could take no snaps.

This was my favourite of the 15. Sadly I couldn't get a more detailed visual, the roses & brown wire were so intricate, so mesmerising, as it was a corset with suspender straps I had hallucinations of Dita Von Teese being enrobed in such a beauty.

My accomplaces chose the following as their number one stupendous glass-sculpture pick;

An escapism vibe being in the reflection of them. &on closer research it seems Dias-Leáo has some celebrity fans including the notoriously daringdesign-diva Lady Ga-Ga (makes sense in hindsight).

I by-passed the traditional (dreary) paintings (think parts of National Art Gallery) to dive into the John Moores Painting Prize. From the past winners to the current contenders it was a cocktail of adoration, confusion and perplexed dispositions.

My top past winner is the 'Super Star Fucker Andy Warhol Text Painting' by Peter Davies. Scooping the prize in 2002.

This years contenders are, well, a mixed bag. Some are breathtaking, whereas some are (for want of a better word) horrendous (cough 'Big Plane' by Han Feng). I placed my visitor vote(s) for the following;

'Protest' by Nicholas Middleton
'Suspended Animation' by Michel Miller
'Industrialist on Wheels' by Geraldine Swayne

Roll on January to find out if I had any influence at all.

Political P(r)imp.

When you conceive that you're a politician whilst sleeping it can be somewhat disturbing.

When you're having a spa day with Dilma Rousseff, Sarah Palin, Maggie Thatcher, Sam-Cam & Toireasa Ferris, well, it's just plain bizarre.

Still, whilst during my morning Polyvore (should probably change that for Pilates) I wondered what I'd wear if it weren't an illusion& I had to dress the part ...

Political P(r)imp

$130 -

$15 -

I could totally whip their bureaucratic bottoms.