Monday, 31 January 2011

Day 22 in the BB House.

With tweets like 'Premium Clothing Brand. Will be sold in Premium Boutiques and online. XXX' I lose that little bit of faith in the both the education system &the direction of high street fashion.

It's Katie Price, AKA Jordan. She's dumped a husband &gained a clothing brand. Day 22. Note, she hasn't actually mentioned the word fashion. Which in my calculations makes it another snore.fest brand rivaling Primark* in consumer appeal but adding an extra '0' onto the price tag.

Slipping into a belly-dancing slash gypsy-lee get up, I look into my crystal ball. &this is what I see;

You know the type. Umpa-lumpa, oddly back-combed bouffant & a pre-occupation with cloggy mascara (holler Snog Marry Avoid).

With the reason behind the name being that the site'll be updated on the 22nd day of the month (sweet Lord) I give it 22 months. &that's being generous.

*this is not to say I'm not an avid Primark fan.

Sunday, 30 January 2011


Or not to LBD. That is the question.

Working in retail, one of the (many) perks is uniform allowance accrual. My last choice was a tad rash. I tired of it all to quickly. Not that I'm flighty, naturally.

I've settled on a classic black dress. 3/4 sleeves, slight shoulder detail. Can jazz it up with accessories; belts, bags, scarves, the works.

Yes? Yes. Thanks Net-a-Porter. You've been instrumental in my decision making.

Curious as to my choice?

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

A 'Graping' Hole ...

... in the fruit & veg isle.

I adore, no, exalt the juicy spheres of sweet nectar. 3 (large) supermarkets I've traipsed around to no avail. Is there a national shortage of them?

Answers on the back of a postcard.

Monday, 24 January 2011

'Foof' of Smoke.

Foof. I can't help but gaffaw at the word.

As I sat in the Doctors waiting room, avoiding lurgy-laced sprogs I finally had a chance to digest this months GQ. The typical 45 minutes-after-your-appointment appointment saw me learn of W Hotels recent East London residency (& plan how to stay there gaysap), pet the idea of (a) having an Ipad and (b) purchasing the Pad&Quills leather protector to immitate a book;

'We combine modern technology devices with the ancient craft of book binding' (Founder, Brian Holmes).


I care little for who could/should direct Godfather IV as I fell asleep in 1 & 2 within 20 minutes. Yet I most carefully fondled the Lounge Act spread which was a spectacular zoomed-in feature, reminding me of a past Chloe ad; 'in-action' shots, with a splash of 50s Mad Men specs-appeal and a sudden urge to make each libation a fashion conscious Absolute Vodka on the rocks.

Then I saw it. 'Undercover Electronics' section.

Ladies & gentlemen. I present, the Foofbag.

A stupendous example of one of my preferred idioms. Ah Australia, I can only imaging what delights lie within the cellar of the foofshop. Blow up dolls perhaps? Or replicas of Saleems art project, as seen in East is East?

Certainly brightened up my Monday morning.

Sunday, 16 January 2011

Legs-eleven. 'A wit-woo'.

Today was long.

I enjoy a cut of cold meat. I really do. My lunchtime perk was to be the chicken I started on last night& quite frankly, I was shocked at how such a succulent, creamy, melting white meat can mutate into moistureless grub.

Not one to dwell, that's my last word on the issue, now 6 hours since gone.

I also enjoy a good game of Bingo. Not the big halls, oh no, far too 'clinical' an operation. Church lyceums are the venues for me; (a) I'm the youngest by at least 30 years, (b) at 30p a glass of D.C who wouldn't go? This is where my post title came from, the depths of my yearning &desire to be a geriatric, enjoy typically fogey pursuits & bask the the glory of my grey hair.

&to have owned this in its heyday.

Thursday, 13 January 2011


Like selling from the back of a (virtual) van on the wrong side of the wireless frequency, the Chinese wheeler-dealers have stepped up a gear in their tat-producing ability. Sadly it's not a ninth way to wear JML's 'Magic Scarf', but a flurry of tacky, knock-off replica Royal Engagement rings.

Dubbed a 'replica firestorm' (what nitwit came up with that?), the media (&manufacturers) note that every girl can feel like a princess. What tosh.

With titular plates, cups & probable dolls being churned out, it seems gullible Brits are swooning for the Wedding & crazy for commemorative memorabilia. Well, not me. Oh no sir, because I did it the first time, or at least Mother did. That's right, for all my harking on about a $5 replica, my parent, in 1981 purchased a clone & Grandmother snapped up every bit of crockery available to celebrate the nuptials.

Take that Alibaba, this lone girl of her generation will not be credulous to your nickel trinkets; with prevarications such as;

"When they announced their engagement, it was just by chance that I saw their ring on the internet. I felt that this had a great commemorative value and thought there was a good market for the product" Manufacturer, Zouh Mingwang.

cough he saw money signs cough. It does make me think; which Z-list celebrities would endorse such tack?

1. Kerry Katona
2. Kat Slater
3. Snooki

Place your bets.

Well ... with a site name like that what else would you expect to be selling? Watches from a coat?

Despite the world of fashion turning up their noses to such gaudy frippery, we can now, sadly, indulge in a 'tribute' dress. Move over Issa, Tesco can give us the same 'royal' feeling, for £383 cheaper than you.

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

An Ode to the Senior.

Scrunch. Scrunch.
Shuffle upon the tram.
Scrunch scrunch.
Creaky does as creaky feels.
I notice a column shorter than the other, the fashion police whirring into action at the sight of sandal & tights combination. Lethal.
Coiffure of clouds. Sporadic like a childrens perception of the weather.
Tweet tweet.
Canary yellow. Not a social networking sing-song.
Wrinkled handkerchief. Wrinkled complexion.
I wrinkle my nose.
Scrunch scrunch. Alight the tram.

I saw an elderly lady today. Imagine; leather trousers, tights&sandals, canary yellow mac rimmed in leather, topped with a cascade of cauliflower clouds (you know the shade). Pretty much made my day.

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Fax. Facts. Fax.

Reading the Metro on the tram this fine morn, a charming excerpt from a recent Ronnie Wood interview wormed its way into making an impression on me;

" Keith, he still communicates through fax, no other way but a fax. That’s why I never hear much from him because I ain’t got a fax machine. It’s fantastic; you get a message from Keith on a fax. You get ‘I don’t know when, I don’t know where, just get ready. Love, Keith.' " (Metro, from

With all our blogs, tweets, 'frapes' and BBMing etc it's ironic that one of the original au courant rock & roll hipsters, uses pre-internet, pre SMS communicative methods. I think I might suggest to use carrier pigeons. Much more reliable. In comparison to the Royal Mail at the very least.

When I think of faxes, I automatically think of The Parent Trap. Particularly when one of the LiLo's faxes the other, an image of a Golden Retriever barking '999'.

I do love that film. Though I might just love the original more.

UPDATE Jan 12; turns out Alber Elbaz admits he is a little behind in the technology stakes. These technophobe-celebs.

Saturday, 8 January 2011

Caffeine Siren.

I expect Homer never anticipated the longevity of his body of a bird, head of a human sea-nymphs becoming the backbone image of the most globally recognised coffee house.

Winning the power-struggle, the nymph has out sexed the writing & we're left with this ...

Well slap my knee & send over the Pike Place Roast (grande, ta). Out with the old, in with the tweaked old, Starbuks has unveiled a new logo. No words. Just an image. The smiling siren.

Sparking debates as to the reason; the top contender is that the (simple) words have been scrapped due to expansion into East Asia &their nations low English-speaking. Strange how McDonalds, Santander and Tesco managed to overcome this obstacle.

Still, the strongest debate lies in Starbuks self-importance. Sure they may have come 89th in 2009's Most Valuable Global Brands list, but does that give them the right to make like a usual approaching-40 year old? Have a mid-life crisis &change their image, despite looking pretty much the same?

I'm not actually a coffee drinker (coffee cake is quite the contrary), but re-branding fascinates me. Olivier Blanchard's shares his witty view on his blog, Brand Builder. I couldn't explain it better myself.

Got me thinking, do you need words to convey a brand? Can the word be the brand image?

Chanel. It'd look tacky with 'Chanel' written underneath the famously crosssed C's no? Yet they also use the bold 'CHANEL' in their advertising. Less is more.

Hermes. With another distinguished logo, they rarely use the image of the horse drawn carriage.

Bobbi Brown. No frills there.

Christian Louboutin. Calligraphy&a splash of rouge is all it takes.

Amazon. Simple. Effective.

The list goes on; brands who use their name within their logo. Successful brands. Globally recognised brands.

My own logo. SuperBad. I've chosen to use the name, overlapping the logo; as my brand identity.

Will Starbuks lose their identity? I doubt it. Will Starbuks lose integrity? I'd bet my bottom dollar on it.

With odd statements as to why only the siren remains, a senior Starbuks writer noted that the siren is "always there, inspiring us and pushing us ahead. Sirens are from Greek mythology and were believed to use their enchanting voices to lure nearby sailors to shipwreck on their island'. I'll remember that when being washed up ashore in rainy Manchester en route to work.

One word; Gap.

Wednesday, 5 January 2011


Snog. Marry. Avoid. What a fantastically trashy slice of BBC3 visual vomit. &alas alack I have watched around 15 episodes, worst of all, not for research purposes, for general chit-chat purposes; in retail you have to be down with the reality (completely unrealistic) virus' in order to gain custom. Strange.

Still, 'pod-off' is a phrase from the dud &I'm a sucker for a pun.

AND now, I'm a sucker for a pod-cast.

Technology doesn't so much confuse me, it intimidates me. Once I've come to grips with a new app, or another console add-on, there's a new army of gizmos and gadgets ready to declare war on me; willing catch a case of cyberchondria or shop in my tech-savvy chums for technophillia.

At least I know that i-Tunes won't fail me (an ally since 2005); I plug in. Am updated without providing password/finger print identity & am indulged with in a heady punch of comedy, commentary and convivial, littered with music, without the Spotify adverts (snore).

There's one podcast that guarantees to liven up my catwalk to chore; If There's Hell Below.

Like a (blind) fly on the wall, you are transported to a social scene, between two chaps brimming with banter and buzzed about beats. Two men about town who know their psyche from their hype, simply engaging in a light, witty exchange blended with tunes to tantalise the most eclectic of palates, all done with great gusto.

Of Callum & Rob I've known the latter lad for a while now. The usual spiel of 'because you're a friend I'll say your blog&podcast are insane in the membrane' usually ensues, mainly because I don't like to offend people. I've always respected Rob's musical taste, but this ... this is a whirlwind of tangents and trivia that transports the listener into a conversation that teems with energy. On first listen, it's a tad surreal, like the friendship Mel Gibson and Britney Spears, but after a while, the synergy between both presenters banter and track choices becomes apparent.

Starting life in September 2010. Each episode is like a distant cousin from the other; recognisable in energy, but the aesthetics and interests vary; episode 3 may be tall with a receding hairline into scuzzy psych rock, whilst his cousin (episode 4), may also be tall, but he has a moustache and enjoys the dulcet tones of the blues. I couldn't say whether there was a distinct theme each week, I think that'd make it too 'forced reality (audio)TV'. ITHBs beauty is it's raw talent; the ability to take sundry ingredients and create a unique bubble and a squeak, with an unrivaled flavour.

Fountains of knowledge, long live your updating of the only piece of technology I absolutely understand (apart from this 'Ping' thing).