Humbugs.

Now that one has two days from toil. It's self-indulgence, gluttony & bah Humbug without the sheep overtones.

123rf.com

Merry Xmas Eve. I'm off to peel a mountain of carrots/plan how many Rose's I could consume without ruining my tea.

Under the sea ...

Wrap, wrap, wrap.

Gift wrapping at worky-bops & wrapping gifts at home. Space ship sherbets are proving difficult to bundle into festive paper and proving a pain to resist.

I've always adored the film Splash & if this is the closest I get to being a real life Ariel/Madison then GEE I hope this is the teeny present that has found itself under my tree.

Keneth Jay Ring

I'm a glitter-bug, with a wish to befriend a Jamaican Crab. Under prepared &not bothered in the slightest. Working in retail ... the therapy part is almost obsolete.

That's a wrap (!)

Can you dig it man?

The festive season. The low lights that are commonly mistaken for highlights; works party, NYE & wishing people a Merry Christmas when you loathe the very sight of them.

Bitter? Moi? Naturally.

My personal highlights of the season; going to afternoon tea at the Hilton with my charming bum-chums to swap presents, watching the look of horror when my very serious, manly 20 year old brothers name is called out to receive a present from 'Santa' on Christmas day and the ideaof NYE.

I've conducted a (biased) survey of what the fascination is about New Years eve. Most of those probed noted that it's an excuse to get horrendously blottoed &not have to work the next day. I would not exactly put this is the 'pro' section.

By jobe I think she has it! A themed NYE. 7 decades to choose from. Dress to impress & bring an appropriate blast from the past party piece.

Velvet jumpsuit. Check.

Turban. Check.

Platforms. Check.

Blue eyeshadow. Check.

Fondue set. Check.

Grace Slick. What a babe.

The thing is, I already own (and wear) this 70s paraphernalia, as well as items from all other decades. Snowballs at the ready, steady, bleugh.

It's gonna be like, so bogue. PSYCHE!

W.Magazine

Farrah, you bunny.

Who wouldn't want Willy at your themed do'?

What are everyone elses NYE plans? &is it okay that I sort of hate that we have t decide so early?

Shoe Horn Dream.

Insomnia. No matter how many sheep I force over that fence, you will not budge. That's okay, I have relaxing music ... that seems to be speaking in tongues. Plan B. Beloved film . Never fails.

Failed.

SATC1. Bliss. From start to end it's insomnia dressed up in sheep's clothing (!); a woollen blanket of adoration, jealousy and an urge to 'wahhh' quite regularly.

In hindsight I should've chosen Monty Python's 'The Life of Brian', I've not the foggiest why, but the film is always a great aid in putting me on the train the Noddyland.

As I lie in bed (thinking I'm Carrie, naturally) I've one thought on my mind. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes.

Recently out of plaster for an ankle injury caused by a tubby-custard man teetering on the brink of morbid obesity (I'm being polite) I can only wear flats. How deflating. Especially with the festive season upon us, or should that be fetish-heel season?

I've a dramatic amount of dresses, copious amounts of clothing that all need a heel. Of course there's the option of a Manolo Blahnik flat, perhaps even a manoeuvrable Nicholas Kirkwood (yes there are a few) but surely my first purchase of such enmities should be a statement heel? Brushing revenue woes aside, what's a weak ankled girl to do?Run the risk of eternal damage, or be the pip-squeak of the pack.

Still, in a recent interview, Mr B noted that flats (yes flats) can be sexy;

"Flat shoes can be more elegant. You just have to work at it. You have to learn how to walk elegantly in them. Think of Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face, she walksin flat shoes like a reindeer with one front directly in front of another. Bridget Bardot - she is sex on flats! She's beautiful! I hope it's [2010] the year of the flat shoe. Just remember, you have to make them feminine. Practise walking in them" (Glamour Magazine)

(Reasonable) answers on the back of a postcard.

From left; the Paternona range (Manolo Blahnik), Nichola Kirkwood flats (image from fashioneditoratlarge.blogspot)

Post Script.

On a lighter-(footed)note, finally decided on Mother's present; a calendar with lovely images adorning it. Available on boots.com, you simply upload images & the 12 month friend is with you within a week. That's another hour of digging out old snaps to amuse me then. I'm so glad I took scanning to new extremes 2 years ago by scanning in … every snap-shot I owned.

Bawdy Burlesque in Manchester.

With a double-mission to nurture the emergence of the professional Burlesque industry and to 'raise the barre' for the growing scenes. The Ministry of Burlesque came to the Lowry (Manchester) last night to titilate, arouse curiosity and provide a piece of blue Victoriana satire on a benumbing Sunday evening.

Taking my rather naive Mother, we dined alongside corset-clad ladies, unable to overt our eyes from the assembley of jiggling mammary glands. Arriving at the intimate venue, there were 15 round tables, seating 8 audience members each. A mixed-bag, the gay community out in force, strategically placed couples of varying ages and groups, much like mother &I who had no idea what they were in for.

Aptly named Victorian Values, the lewd cabaret was an exploration of 19th Century, suprise suprise Victorian values. A unique series of witty, provocative and traditional (&non-trditional) burlesque was complimented with a compere who epitomised energy, surrounded by an air of Russell Brandand blessed with a sharp tongue to put Joan Rivers to shame.

Contemporary puns were countered with rich past satire. With one question underlining the entire show; 'Have we lost our Victorian values? Or, have we simply misplaced them in time?'.

I'm on the fence as to whether it did address the question noted, or suggest any answers, but the show was a hoot. An all singing, all dancing hoot. My Mother's complexion has only just shed it's beetroot resem

blance &it was the perfect (bawdy) remedy to a long day of retail slog.

Victorian Values is on tour now

Part of The Ministry of Burlesque

Writing of Burlesque, which performer enchants you and why?

It's a toughie I will admit. I've chosen Immodesty Blaize. The Goddess is the creme de la creme of tease. A string of high profile event appearances, a novelist and strong female icon. Classic.

Play time for Boys.

On December 8, Christies (London) are holding an auction of 80 snaps from the saucy rag Playboy. Featuring no less than 80 snaps from the lifetime of the notorious publication whose career spans 57 years.

Dubbed the 'Year of the Rabbit' (it's a bloody good logo isn't it) the visuals are, suprisingly stunning. Flaunting top names such as Elle Macpherson (1994), Cindy Crawford (1988) and Marylin Monroe (1953) who starred on the front page of the first ever edition, the auction shadows the 2003 sale for the 50th Anniversary of the risque read.

Director of Corporate Collections at Chrisite's, Cathy Elkies predicted that viewers would be suprised by the sophistication of the collection;

'The unexpected thing is that Playboy really did marry fine, high-quality art with the traditional photographs of women. What will pique people's interest is that when you open the catalogue, you realise that this is pretty serious.' (Daily Mail)

If I had the revenue (cough, cough) to purchase just one, it'd be this; the 1996 front cover starring Stacey Sanchez. Imagine that in your living room. Gee whiz.

Hulanicki's affiar with fast-paced George.

Is Babs a sellout?

After slating Biba's relaunch for House of Fraser (bitter taste alert) Hulanicki has collaborated with Asda to create a 12 piece range.

"I always find everyone who buys it [the Biba trademark] thinks of it as couture, but I think it is more like Woolworths - which is what it was always meant to be," says Hulanicki. "[The House of Fraser collection] is too expensive. The prices [at Asda] are just amazing. These will really be Biba prices. F*** you [House of Fraser]." (vogue.com)

I cannot tell a lie. I'm lusting after a few Biba pieces, but with the accessibility of the George collection, surely it's no contradiction to do both.

I'm coveting these (below) images currently & as of 11am tomorrow I should, weather permitting (tennis racket snow boot contraptions also at the ready) I should be able to report on the feel & realistic look of the collection. With most items under £25. Why the diddles not.

Animal Print Bow Dress

Drape Dress

Wide Leg Trouser

Pinch, punch, first of the month.

Retail therapy, it's a jungle. An assault course of target-hungry sales assistants, teetering accessory stands and those annoying hangers that refuse to grip certain clothing.

Still … it has some therapeutic elements, yes?

I'm in that seasonal predicament (I'm not talking about the dreaded snow); brave the high street in search of gifts or take the easy route and click onto the virtual one. But which is more dangerous for my little Visa?

Currently working in a luxury store, the ambience is sophisticated, with an air of elegance about it. However, the price point I'm looking for is sadly found in starkly-lit, fabric swamps that some people cleverly dub the epitome of fast (trash) fash. But when I hear of collaborations forming locally and across the pond (eg Lagerfeld and Target) combined with the annex of delightful brands popping up nearby (quite literally in Timex's case) my heart swells with desire and my appetite for purchasing on and off line reaches a deliriously manic point.

Using my plastic-fantastic, I'm in a purchasee paroxysm, ecommercee euphoria &I earn less than a doormouse from Disney'ss Robin Hood.

Splat. Pinch, punch, first of the month.

With too many events I'veclicked 'attending' on to comprehend. I think I'll let it slip my mind that I have internet banking. Tis the season to bury ones head in the sand.